i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
