Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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