I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
