I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
