I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
how does that bad decision feel?
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