hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
