i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
