thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
