things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
