My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm passing your future prison.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize