u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
