I want to have your abortion
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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