VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
