I just saw a hot homeless man
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
