Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
