Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize