I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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