Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
