I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
