dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
