He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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