I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
