how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
