my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
