How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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