rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
