1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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