Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
