I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
