Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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