What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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