Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
