Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
