Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
