How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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