The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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