Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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