I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I want is dick and wine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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