I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
