He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
