Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
