I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
