I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
id be glad to
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
