remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
