i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I look better un-naked...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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