Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize