Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
