I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
