Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
