She just used a chaser for red wine.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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