Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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