He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
