i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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