All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
