Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
