Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
