He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do vagina's smell?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
