I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
