the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
