i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
