Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
