Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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