Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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